Perfect

The rain had been pouring throughout the evening. She stood in her balcony inhaling the mesmerizing petrichor. She heard the birds chirping and saw them in a hurry to reach their homes. People on the street were busy with their own things trying to call it a day. The sun was setting down. Staring out into the eternity, slowly thoughts started flooding into her mind. She was twenty now, living by herself away from her broken family. She had gone through almost all the emotions most teenagers would have… Highs & lows, loves & heartbreaks, friendships & betrayals. But she knew all this was just the beginning… And also an end…

She went into her room took out an old album & had a look at all the memories she had tried capturing into photographs. Her childhood, her school & her friends. She had been one of the most popular girls in her school. Everyone wanted to be friends with her. She always won prizes in the competitions, was a pet of her teachers and an image every girl secretly was jealous about. Her heart smiled onto those memories. Then keeping aside her miscellany she got up & went to the mirror to have a look at herself. She slowly realized that she looked so much different now. She felt sad that she was unable to be the same happy-go-lucky person she once was. She felt bad about having to fake herself every day. She was irritated with all the pain she had to bear. She was angry about the bizarre situation life had put her into. She fell onto her bed & cried out loud. Then slowly sinking in the truth of what was happening to her, she drifted off to sleep.

The next sunrise she was getting ready her college again. She tried hiding her dark circles with her eyeliner; her lip-gloss hid her trembling lips. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and covered the missing patches of her hair. She put on a long sleeved t-shirt in order to hide her bruises. She looked leaner, but she knew people would rather ask her about her new diet. So taking an hour to achieve the look she wanted to portray, she went downstairs to have her breakfast. She bought out her waffles and tried eating it. And once again her head was filled with voices of why she was doing all this. Wasting a twenty-fourth of her day on a lie. But then her heart answered she had to do it; She was voted the ‘Most popular’, ‘Most fun to be around’, ‘Best smile,’ and ‘Most likely to succeed.’ People would not want to know that the girl, who’s got it all together, doesn’t have it all together. People would not want to know that the girl is dying! That she has cancer. She didn’t want to endure the people’s pity. She wanted to live her remaining months normally and wanted to be treated by others as they usually did.

As she was lost in those thoughts, her buzzing cell phone broke them away. She realized it was time for her to leave. She checked the message flashing on her phone sent by her best friend. It read “Hey beautiful, Cya in 10. Gotta tell you the latest Gossip”. She felt guilty about having to lie to her best friend every day. But she knew had to do it as long as she could. Now as she had a really low appetite these days and threw up most of what she ate, she left her plate on the table & locked her house. Her red car was waiting in the driveway. Now all ready for another day, as she walked towards her car, she checked her reflection in the tinted window whispering to herself “Perfect.

 

 

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100 Days of my Love

PART I

Yes, today I feel independent, happy & satisfied. As I sit on my bed with a laptop & some work to do in my most comfortable track pants & my oldest tee; gazing outside the window, I see an eagle flying high in the sky. Eagles have always inspired me. Hailing from a small town, life had been difficult for me with limited dreams, finite wishes and all sorts of restrictions being a girl. But today am free as a bird with endless dreams, listless wishes & with nothing to hold me back. As I was sinking in that feeling, my cell phone beeped interrupting me from my thoughts. But I was happy to see Vivaan’s message. Well Vivaan, was someone I met at a common friend’s party. I could quickly connect with him & found him unlike the other guys who always enjoyed mocking me. We became friends on Facebook and our chats continued on Wassapp. We met for coffees after work, went for trips on weekends, shopped till we dropped. I found my life deliberately changing. Now we had known each other for 90 days. I do not know if 90 days are enough to fall in love with someone, but I think I have…

I replied a”hello” to his “hi”. He said he was getting bored & so felt like talking to me. I had butterflies in my stomach thinking about the fact that of all the friends he had, I was the one he felt like talking to. I knew I wasn’t the most beautiful kind. In fact, I was the kind most people wouldn’t even notice, with my big spectacles on, my hair always tied up in a bun, a tall frame of 5’8 with clothes that usually covered me fully. But here was a guy who liked me for the person I was. Through all our coffee talks & trips, I loved the way he listened to my talks which most others thought of as lame. He always said that behind those glasses lived a “sexy bitch” & I’ll bring her out one day. My cell beeped again and I saw his “ttyl”. So I went back to my work.

 My cell suddenly rang at 12:05 a.m. & I saw it was Vivaan. It was quite surprising as he was person who believed in 8 hr sleep for a healthy body and hence usually slept off by 11. As I picked up the call, I heard “Happy Birthday to you” playing at the other end. I had forgotten my own birthday & here was someone who broke his schedule just to wish me. I thanked him for his wishes. He said he had a surprise planned for me the next day & hence I was to take a day off & spend it with him. My joy knew no bounds. Not just a day, but if he asked I could give up my job & spend an entire life time with just him. And today on my birthday, I realized that ‘yes, I was in love… with a person who loved me too’. I twisted & turned on my bed whole of the night awaiting the morning sun’s rays. A new chapter was about to begin in my life… (Yay! Happy Birthday to me)

 PART II

Here was my birthday. And I don’t remember being so much excited about it (not at least in a past decade). I quickly woke up had my B3 (Brush, Bath, Breakfast) and impatiently waited for Vivaan to come. I sat down flipping the pages of the fashion magazine envying the models & actresses who had everything they wished in life from money to beauty to boyfriends. “Ding Dong” there came my door bell. I jumped from my seat & ran to the door. Opened it & there was Vivaan. I blushed seeing him. He held my hand & said we had to leave quickly but dint give me any details as of to where. But I trusted him too much to not go along. He opened his car’s door for me (a gesture I had never experienced before. God! Am I gonna have a ‘on cloud 9’ experience today?) & I slipped in. He handed me a gift box & asked me to open it only when instructed, kissed me on my cheeks & whispered ‘Happy Birthday’ (ahhh… what a start). He quickly drove & we stopped at a place called “Femme Glam”. He again opened the door for me & I suspiciously got down. On looking around I realized that this (Femme Glam) was a makeover agency. Before I could say anything he said I had to go in with my gift box & he would come back to pick me in another 3 hours. I was all confused as to what was going on but I nodded and went in. A lady came over, asked me my name & led me into another room. From there on for next 2 hours I couldn’t understand all that was going on around me. Somebody held my hair, someone else my face, another hand & still another leg. After 2 hours of their hard work over me, I was asked to open the gift box. As I opened & peeked in, I was surprised seeing the stuff inside it. I was supposed to change into the clothes inside that box. As I finished my makeover I was made to stand in front of a mirror. I was shocked at the reflection I was seeing. I could not believe it was me, I could not believe I could look so beautiful & I could not believe now I was as enviable as those fashion babies!! My spectacles were replaced with lenses, my long tresses were free, short & stylish now and I was wearing a very pretty Floral Lace Suit Dress that ended just about 2 inches above my knee & a pair of beautiful stone studded stilettos (OMG! Is that really me???). As I was going on staring at my own reflection with such great disbelief, I heard a familiar car honking out & realized that Vivaan was here. I elegantly walked to him and turned around to show off my new avatar. He was dumbstruck & could not utter a word. At the end he said, “If it wasn’t for the dress I wouldn’t have ever believed it were you Siya. Damn… Just look at you”. I just threw my arms around him & hugged him tight (Yes now I was on cloud 9). We got into the car & I said, “Thanks a lot Vivaan for making my day so special. Now let’s go I have a whole town to make envy”.

 And he replied “There’s my sexy bitch.”

PART III

After a whole fun filled day, I thanked him for making my birthday such a wonderful & such a memorable one. I gave him a tight hug. He held my hand & said “Today I made a person smile who is really close to my heart. Hope that smile lasts forever!” I smiled. We wished each other goodnight & I came back home. There I was… once again in front of the mirror staring at myself in disbelief. And I decided hereon I was going to look this stunning every day. Changing back into my pajamas I went to my bed & fell into sweet dreams of my sweetheart. Next day again after my B3 I went for work & lo… I was getting all kinds of glares from my colleagues (Ooo… Now that’s a life). I was all excited to go back home & tell Vivaan the sudden attention I was receiving & how wonderful it all felt. Every day I met Vivaan for coffee as usual & discussed my new life with him. A week passed & I thought it was now time for me to tell Vivaan that how much I loved him. After a lot of fidgeting with that thought, at last I picked my phone & made the call. I got a call wait & hence I left him a message asking him to meet me for dinner that day. I arranged for a candle light dinner at my own place & cooked all his favorite delicacies. I knew all this was trifle & I had to insinuate my feelings.

At sharp 8 he came in with flowers & a bottle wine. I hugged & welcomed him in. He was surprised with the ambience & I said today was my day to give a surprise. We poured our wines and started with the dinner.

 

Vivaan: You are a great cook. I suggest you leave your lame job and become a chef

Me: I’m glad you like it. All this preparation was especially for you.

Vivaan: Wow Siya, am I being paid back for your makeover (winks) or is something else the matter.

( I cleared my throat and began) Me: Vivaan, you know how life has always been for me with its irritations, angers, depressions and all that mess. But as they say, there’s always light after darkness. Today I feel like telling you something, to lighten my heart.

 Vivaan: What happened Siya? Anything wrong??

 Me: No, something just right. Vivaan, ever since I first spoke to you I have been in awe of you. The way you talk to me, understand me, do all those small & big things for me, I feel like the luckiest girl alive. I considered you a good friend & respected you; then you became my best friend and I really liked you. But now you’ve become a lot more than that best friend for me. I have never felt this for anyone before. I want to let you know that I am so in love with you. I want to make millions of beautiful memories being in your arms to treasure in this lifetime. When old would you too want to be along my side & smile at the life we had together?? (SILENCE……..)

Me: Vivaan…?

Vivaan: OMG!! Did I just get proposed??? Oh Siya… Thank you letting me know your care, your love & all your feelings. I love you too Siya, but not in way that I can make you my wife!

Me: Why Vivaan? Am I not good enough for you?

 Vivaan: Oh of course not Siya. That’s not the matter. I should have let you in on this before. Siya, I’m gay.

Me: What??? Why dint you tell me this before??

Vivaan: I wanted to but never got a chance. You know our society; they do not accept people like me easily. My parents weren’t understanding what was wrong with me,  my friends started shying away from me, I was feeling all the suffocation & hence I had to leave my town. I then came & settled here and started my work and met you during one of those parties. When I saw you, I could feel some kind of suffocation in your eyes too. And hence wanted to help you in ways I could. And am really so sorry for not being able to tell you all this before.

Me: I just don’t know what to say. Listen Vivaan, please leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you.  And not right now at least. Please leave. It would be better if I don’t see you again.

Vivaan: Hmm I understand! But am really Sorry Siya. Please forgive me if you can. Would never want to lose a friend like you…

 

 

PART IV

I kept crying and sleeping the whole other day. I slowly then realized it never was his fault. It wasn’t him who was wrong, but I was. I felt sorry for being so rude to him. I made myself a cup of coffee & stood in my balcony in a pair of denim shorts & a white shirt. A light breeze blowing onto my hair & face. I thought it was now time I spoke to Vivaan. He did me no wrong. I picked up my phone & called Vivaan. After apologizing to him for my behavior, I asked him to come over for a coffee. He was at my door in 30 minutes. I accepted my mistake & hugged him. He happily said that he knew I would forgive. I handed him his cup of coffee. We both went over to my balcony & started with our usual tidbits. And there… we both stood celebrating the hundred days of my love…